The Secret to Real Leadership: Wins Fade. Lessons Last.

A story about teamwork, growth, and finding success beyond wins.

Do you count wins and losses… or wins and lessons?

Thirty years ago, I had no idea coaching a second-grade basketball team would teach me (and my boys) lessons I’d carry for years.

Not because I was a basketball superstar… or even someone who played for fun. Nope, I ended up coaching because they needed someone.

Someone fair. Someone who cared more about teaching kids than creating second-grade basketball superstars.

Challenge accepted.

First thing I did? I brushed up on the rules. Then I asked my husband, “At this age, what really matters?” He told me, “Lessons. That’s what it’s about.”

Winning’s fun, sure. But these kids needed the basics first.

My game plan: everyone plays. No bench warmers. Equal time for all.

There were no “superstars.” Well… some kids had more natural talent, but no one got special treatment from me. If someone became a leader, it was because they earned it.

Two Players, Two Stories

We had two boys who were really good. You could tell right away. One was all about the team — the leader. The other? More of a showboat.

Mr. Leader? He was all about everyone having a role, sometimes you missed, sometimes not. He passed and shared and encouraged.

Mr. Showboat was flashy. Loved to score and hoard the ball. Lived for his parents enthusiastically yelling his name. But he didn’t know how to work with the team.

And let me tell you… it showed.

We’d lose several games. Parents got mad. The kids were bummed. I was frustrated.

Until the day I pulled him from the starting line up. I didn’t bench him, or yell. Just told him straight:

“When you work with everyone else, you can have your starting spot back. Leadership’s not about hogging the ball or the spotlight. It’s about effort. It’s about the team.”

“Skill’s great, but without strategy? It doesn’t mean much,” I told him.

We worked on how to run the plays, with everyone doing their job. I showed him that some kids may not have athletic talent, but they were the eyes and ears of the group. Watching everything — the other team’s moves, their strengths, their weaknesses.

Wins and Lessons

Over time, he got it. He started passing the ball more, trusting his teammates, and working with them instead of against them.

He started to see that not taking every shot didn’t make him less. It improved the team.

And we started winning. Not every game, but enough that it was becoming fun again for them.

Here’s what I learned (right along with them):

• Leadership isn’t about being the best player. It’s about using strengths.
• When you help others shine, you do too.
• Short-term wins are nice… but the lessons stick with you forever.

Why This Matters

Teams aren’t just for sports… they’re everywhere in life.

You’ll always find someone faster or smarter or more talented. But when you lean on your team and bring out their strengths? That’s when the real leaders shine.

So, tell me … are you counting wins and losses? Or wins and lessons?